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As Rob already reported in his previous post, FIFA just put their foot down on the issue of introducing any form of technology to help referees.

At the 124th Annual General Meeting of the International Football Association Board (IFAB), chaired by FIFA, a decision was made to no longer pursue the development of goal-line technology – or consider technology in football in general.

As FIFA Secretary general Jerome Valcke explained:

“The question posed to the members of the IFAB was simple: should we introduce technology in football or not? The answer from the majority of members was no, even if was not unanimous.”

The words not unanimous mildly cheered me up there. The reasoning by the IFAB members was once again full of misguided philanthropy:

“The human aspect of football is essential to this sport. The big moments in this sport – whatever they are – get supporters talking and go down in history. That’s what makes this sport so vibrant.”
Jonathan Ford of the Football Association of Wales

“We all agreed that technology shouldn’t enter football because we want football to remain human, which is what makes it great. The fans keep talking about these matches again and again, and relive them.”
Patrick Nelson of the Irish Football Association

That should probably read formerly of the Irish Football Association. Outrage, anger, hate, death threats for referees, negative stereotyping of clubs and whole countries, conspiracy theories etc. are all human reactions to human errors. I don’t think everything that makes us human needs to be preserved. I also doubt that fans of American sports have suddenly stopped talking, the moment video replays were introduced. European Football has grown into a 12bn Euro business, so these errors aren’t just about football narratives and mythology, but about costing clubs millions of Euros.

Anyway, given that stone age has just been confirmed to last forever, maybe there are other ways to improve the quality of refereeing decisions made during a match?

UEFA are already testing additional referees who are running around in and behind the penalty box and get major calls wrong. But maybe you can put them into protective gear, let them sit inside the goal and have them stare at the goal line for 90 minutes? Ten years later, a scientific study will then publish the negative long term effects to the referee’s mental health and declare this job inhumane. But at least we’ll have 10 years worth of slightly improved goal decisions.

Or you could follow the lead from ice hockey and introduce a second main referee. The two referees would then need to agree on a decision. For a bit of deadlock fun, you could then even assign referees from the countries involved in a match. E.g. a French and Italian referee would have taken care of the last World Cup final.

Any other ideas? Maybe even ones which don’t include a bloody rebellion to overthrow FIFA.

Big thanks to Ana from See the Cup for emailing tips[at]theofside.com with possibly my favourite story about World Cup 2010 so far. Apparently there’s a campaign in Portugal advocating that all Portuguese players should sport moustaches in South Africa. While other fans are arguing about who should play #9 and which formation maximizes their star player’s talents, these Portugal fans want just one thing: a full team of players with hairy upper lips.

Like all 21st Century campaigns this one lives on Facebook. Titled Queremos a Selecção com bigode na África do Sul (We want the selection with a moustache in South Africa), the page has 3,041 fans at time of writing.

Even better, the page has provided a perfect opportunity for artistic Portugal fans to practice their Photoshop skills and digitally enhance their favourite players with bristling brilliance. The above image of Cristiano Ronaldo is one such example, the below image of Miguel Veloso is yet another:

To get an idea of what the whole team would look like with ‘taches, here’s another of both Cristiano Ronaldo and Nani:

This isn’t just a Facebook phenomenon either. The campaign entered the real world this week when fans took this banner to the Portugal vs China friendly:

Brilliant. But there’s something the Queremos a Selecção com bigode na África do Sul people haven’t considered: This moustache plan could very well blow up in their faces (so to speak) and damage squad harmony. Players will inevitably compare and contrast their various growths, and you can never underestimate the level of competitiveness, jealously and insecurity that one man’s moustache can cause another. See this Mighty Boosh clip below for evidence:

- For more on Portugal visit Migeul’s Portugal blog.

The video above (spotted on DT) is of Diego Maradona’s press conference after his Argentina team beat Germany 1-0 in Munich. Don’t worry if you no hablo español, because the real focus here is Maradona’s body language. Is he just scratching a persistent itch? Or is he not so subtly giving the universally recognized gesture for “eff you” to his many many critics? Is there even any doubt?

You could say this is immature and inappropriate behaviour for a 49 year old international football coach, and you’d be right. But I’m choosing to see Maradona’s middle finger as a tantalizing preview of what promises to be an event-filled World Cup 2010.